No Toche plis!!!

Dear Diary,

Last night, Linis and I went to have dinner at Sol, but not before she came to my crib to pick up her birthday gift. I got her booze (Habana Club- the best fucking rum ever) cause I am a good friend and to make things extra classy, I got her her very own engraved flask. She was thrilled. Then I made her taste the booze I bought for myself (Limonetto) and she took that shit like a shot even though its a liquer, but I guess it was misleading cause Luz Helena served it in a shot glass. She felt really ghetto in front of Luz Helena but I assured her that Luz Helena is a drunkard so she needn't worry. By the time we got to Sol it was really late and I was passed the point of hunger (plus filled with syrupy sweet lemon flavored liquer) so I felt like vomiting. So I let Lina pick the restaurant. We sat at some outdoor cafe called Picote and ordered some food. The menu was very misleading because it was only pictures and not very good ones at that. I ordered some thing with two fried eggs, fried chorizo, and french fries. Talk about heart attack on a plate. Lina had a similar plate only she had a steak instead of chorizo. We ordered two claritas (a clarita is a watered down beer, but it is watered down with some kind of sweet soda water. I live on claritas.) and Lina ordered a coke for her to pour her booze into. We sat chatting for a while but it was proving difficult because some street performer was playing the accordion really loudlt next to us. I told Lina that I would pay the guy to leave cause he sucked so bad. The weather was very mild last night and I think it induced all of Madrid to get out in the street. It was kind of neat seeing all the Madrilenos out in full party gear. People here are so radically different from people stateside. I don' even know where to begin. But, I digress. While choking down that greasy ass dinner of ours we were approached by some bums. The first we gave him some change and the second we shooed. The first one was funny cause our waiter was like "Come on buddy let the people eat in peace" at which the bum became infuriated and started having a verbal altercation with the waiter. He was like "I don't bother you while you are working, so don't bother me." Then he proceeded to try to get the other waiter to side with him, which was really a great touch because he was complaining about the service. After a while Lina and I decided to scoot. We went towards Plaza Cibeles to catch our respective buses home and that's when it happened. I was sexually harrased in the middle of the freaking street. On the way to the bus some dude reached up and grabbed my boob and gave it a good squeeze too, that motherfucker!!! I was utterly shocked. But there was nothing to be done really, because he did it so on the sly that I didn't realize what happened until I had already crossed the street. I tell you, that has never happened to me in Miami. Maybe at a club, but definitely not in the middle of the street. Damn these dirty European men. Then as I was walking in utter disbelief and sheer rage I saw some girl with her tits out. OUT IN PLAIN SIGHT. Both of them. Not just a nipple either, I'm talking both of her tits for all to see. I told Lina "See, I bet she doesn't get her tits grabbed. You know why? Because they are too out there. Fucking bitch." For the record, she had fabulous breasts. They were not too big, and not too small, firm and perky with a really cute little nipple. But there was also the glaringly obvious fact that she had at some point in her life, been a man. The broad shoulders, brutish walk, and Adam's apple were a dead giveaway. But damn, the breasts money can buy! Ah fuck it, I gotta go get ready to go out tonight. And if anyone so much as comes near my boob I am gonna give em a swift kick in the dick.

Goodnight Madrid,
Grecia